What Is Feminine Energy And How You Can Attract Masculine Alpha Men With It

what is feminine energy

What is feminine energy? The concept of feminine energy is often misunderstood as subjugation or being a doormat.  A lot of women in the US and Western world in general think a feminine woman is inferior to masculine traits (active is always better than passive, assertive is always better than submissive while the truth is it’s about energetic match…there is no good or bad inherent in them).  If we can’t feel comfortable in our own female skin and secretly wish we were a man, how can a guy be comfortable with being with us? And if we think being feminine is a disease, and something that is not desirable, no surprise men flee in droves and find their women else where.


Gina wrote this on a discussion thread on my Facebook page: “I’d see myself as a strong woman. I am independent, decisive and know what I stand for. I love my martial arts (which in the past has been something men have disliked to the point of making me stop attending classes!!). The problem I have is that I am just not attracted to feminine guys.  The guy needs to be MORE masculine than me for it to work or I will lose my respect for him.  Trying to lean back is one thing, but you can’t change who you are on the inside. And I think it’s wrong to try and change for a man as it just leaves you feeling very unhappy in yourself.  But maybe all this is why I am still single.. lol. I want and need the masculine guy to be more powerful than me, yet it often does clashes as I will stand my ground.  As someone earlier said: I want to be led, not controlled…

As you can gather from my profile pic that I am not a butch man with boobs. I admit to the fact that I am a tom-boy underneath the nails, make-up and hair extensions.  I know how to be sexy though and this is precisely what my ex liked about me when we met.  It baffled me when he kept talking about me not being feminine enough throughout our relationship.  So I grew my nails longer and wore even higher heels.  It was never good enough however.  Whether it’s right or wrong, thanks to this thread I now finally understand what he meant.  Isn’t him trying to change me to suit his needs as fundamentally wrong though as me trying to change myself at the core to suit somebody else’s energy..???  To say “if you don’t change, you’ll just stay single” just sounds a bit like an easy cop-out if I may say so..??”

So here’s the typical story of modern women of the 21st century.  They are too self-sufficient and independent for their own good. They don’t understand what feminine energy is.

Feminism no doubt has brought about the kind of prosperity and freedom of choice that many women, myself including, are enjoying.  I love my life and thanks to those women before me who fought for this equality in the social, political and economic sectors, I can live my life the way I see fit.

However, its excess is quite detrimental to relationships and the preservation of traditional family values.  Women no longer feel like a woman in relationship.  And they’re wondering why.

Here’s why.

A lot of women in the US and western world in general think feminine traits are inferior to masculine traits (active is always better than passive, assertive is always better than submissive while the truth is it’s about energetic match…there is no good or bad inherent in them).  If we can’t feel comfortable in our own female skin and secretly wish we were a man, how can a guy be comfortable with being with us? And if we think being feminine is a disease, and something that is not desirable, no surprise men flee in droves and find their women else where.

And they go on redefining femininity by removing altogether the “lesser traits” that are traditionally associated to the word “femininity.”  They don’t like “docile, demure, agreeable, submissive”….be done with them all.  Those traits are bad…bad…bad!

If asked what is feminine energy, their definition of a feminine woman is not distinct enough from the widely accepted definition of masculinity.  It’s all about their own reactiveness.  It is what they want it to mean.

Increase your Feminine Energy by Being Less Reactive

This reactiveness is what keeps women single or unhappy in relationship.

But men don’t respond to their definition.  Men refuse to be blamed for who they are and fulfill the feminist expectations of what being a man should mean or should be like.

So modern women have been trying to inject their own feminist values of equality in relationship and it has worked to some extent at least in the way how political correctness colors every discourse on this very subject.

However, men don’t play.  Men are rebelling against that.  And it’s not because they’re weak. It just runs counter to their primal instinct. They’re not attracted to that. So women need to wise up and be realistic and work around this.

That if they want to be in relationship with masculine men…

What Is Feminine Energy

Feminine and Masculine are two life forces.  They both need each other to exist.  Neither is inferior or superior to the other.  Both are needed to keep the fabric of society -and life in general- intact. The feminine woman needs the masculine male.

Sadly, the concept of feminine energy is often misunderstood as subjugation or being a doormat. I’m totally in my feminine energy in my relationship and it doesn’t make me lose my power or make me doormat (in fact the total opposite).  At work I’m in my masculine energy cause I have to get the job done. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

Feminine energy is about being, acceptance and receiving while masculine energy is about doing, go getting, goal seeking and giving.  It’s passive, agreeable and accommodating while masculine energy is active and being in control (and often appears controlling).  It’s the being okay of following a man’s lead and trusting his leadership.

Agreeable is not a dirty word. It is actually what most men seek in a woman. It is actually what defines feminine energy more than anything else. If a man has to lead a relationship and many women do want a man like that, it means she has to be agreeable. She must allow it in herself to be easy to be led and being in a supporting role. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t have opinion or never voices her opinions. Again, people tend to always assume the extreme positions in discussion like this when in real life flexibility abounds but the general idea still holds: that a man is not attracted to a woman who is just like him whether or not women want to protest that or concoct all kinds of negative words to negate or undermine that predisposition in men.

And being agreeable is based on love because you know what really matters in relationship at the end of the day: not about being right, but being happy. And often you can’t have both.

I am agreeable and I’m proud of it. It’s actually my power as a woman. Thanks to my agreeableness I have an adoring man who worships the ground I walk on. It’s a win-win!

Everyone of us -men or women- need to operate on both energies to function in life, the difference is in relationship, with a few exceptions, you can’t turn this upside down: the woman becomes the man, and the man becomes the woman.

The Problem With Feminism

Many women thanks to feminism equate strength with masculine energy. That’s why a lot of them have a problem with a concept of submissive, docile, demure women who are okay being led. Because they equate them with weaknesses which is again why many American men look for their women elsewhere.

It’s so hard to make these feminists see that their brand of “assertiveness” is akin to being a man themselves that causes men not being able to connect romantically and emotionally. They just can’t see that submissive/docile isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as assertive isn’t necessarily a good thing when what you have is an unhappy/imbalanced relationship. Too many men in this culture are being maligned and emasculated for just being men. Imagine how they will respond if men say the same things about women for just being women? 

They are suspicious of male energy in men and try to keep up (compete) with that by tapping into their own male energy themselves. Been there done that. It took me about 40 years being in my masculine energy to figure this all out.  If you have experienced what I have experienced you will see where I come from. It is something to be experienced first hand (like all my teaching).

They just want to be equal, 50/50 and as assertive as a man and be treated like a woman at the same time! That won’t fly, ladies!  If you want to be treated like a woman (cherished like I am in my relationship), be and act his polar opposite. I don’t care you say it’s not true you, you’d better learn now what works with men and adjust accordingly. Either that or just be happy being single or be with a beta (feminine energy) dude…

Your choice.

They want to decide what men should be like or should like in a woman. And when it turns out that men don’t think like they do, they name them “sick, bad, weak, not a real man, a boy, a pig” and all condescending names just to make a point that no man can have their own free will or predisposition, even as nature intended, so long it doesn’t go along with their unrealistic feminist idea of what being a man means. How sick is that? It’s like saying “Real fish should be able to fly. Fish who lives in water is a sick, weak fish.”

We see on sitcoms men are being portrayed as bumbling idiots with their smarter, wiser, over-achieving wives whom they so adore.  But in reality, these alpha women aren’t attracted to men like that.  They want real strong alpha men, more so than themselves like Gina above.

Let’s take an alpha male like Tom Cruise as an example: he just won’t match with any woman unless she is ready to follow his lead 90-100%. And if there are women like that who are naturally submissive, they will be a great match to him. And if both of them are happy, who are we to judge and tell them what kind of relationship they should have?

There are many many less successful men who are like Tom Cruise (like my own father). In fact, Tom Cruise is the common archetype of men period. My mother assumes the more submissive role and they are still happily married to this day (46 years). He cherishes and takes care of her and she respects and takes care of him. Isn’t it what relationship is all about? 

What Is Sexual Polarity

It’s not looks or personality that make a man stay (though they help), it’s a woman’s energy. My clients are mostly gorgeous but they lean forward too much and it’s not attractive and they aren’t polarized enough to these men they are attracted to.

Men want women who are NOT like them. They want their polar opposite and they can’t help it.  As I say, you can be all assertive on your own. But when you are leaning forward and operate from masculine energy of assertiveness when you are with him, a guy doesn’t feel connected to you. It is primal.  In varying degrees men are like that, some are less so but you still see it in them.

Masculine guys want feminine women because of the sexual polarity. It’s not because they are weak or intimidated by “strong women” as we have been brainwashed by feminists for the longest time.  I’ve never seen a masculine guy with a masculine ball-busting woman. They are always gravitated toward the dainty feminine ones who act feminine. And it’s all very natural.

Characteristics of Feminine Energy is not about how you dress or look.

Energy can’t be seen and it’s not visible to the naked eye.  Many if asked to list the characteristics of feminine energy would list things related to appearance.

And don’t fool yourself by saying you are a feminine woman just because you love to look pretty and sexy.  If you are a masculine energy woman a dress and heels won’t make you feminine. Again, it’s about your energy and men can’t be fooled. They feel it in your leaning-forward energy. In your aggressiveness and combative attitude.  They feel it in every word you speak and the jadedness behind it.

And you feel like a man to them no matter how hot you look.

A lot of men won’t say it bluntly, cause they know it’s politically incorrect, that they prefer docile women but believe me that’s what average men feel. These women are the yin to their yang. That’s what inspires their protective and romantic instinct.

They want to be in charge so they need a woman who is comfortable in being in a supporting role. They want agreeable women who won’t question, challenge, fix, criticize, compete with them around the clock. Yet they will still appreciate that masculine side every now and then so long it’s not a main trait. And it’s understandable cause why do they want a hairless version of themselves?  Polarity (opposite) attracts.

Polar opposites have to happen for a relationship to start and in order for it to last. Otherwise there’s imbalance and there will not be enough glue/magnetic draw that keeps the relationship together. If a woman is too masculine, a masculine guy won’t find enough magnetic draw toward her.  And for the dynamic to work, he either has to curtail his masculine side or she does. If he does, he becomes an uninterested party in the arrangement (convenience relationship, anyone?) and she’ll keep rowing and pursuing and the less invested/interested he becomes. But usually the guys just don’t play. They find a more feminine woman who complements their energy. So if guys often disappear on you, check on your energy. Is it too much leaning forward?

There is no polarity in 50/50.  It feels like friendship.  Fifty-fifty means no passion, romance nor sexual attraction.   Is that the kind of relationship you really want?

A lot of women want very masculine guys whom they can control or who will not be so masculine (controlling) when they want them to be.  It’s an oxymoron.  Men don’t swing both ways.  And it’s probably why they are still single and living in their fantasy land.

And some guys who are brave enough to be honest will say it as it is that they are attracted to submissive women….and if that is the energy that matches them, then you can’t blame them. Men (and women) can’t help whom they are attracted to. There is no need to be defensive about it.  You can’t fault them for their preference.  Like we are attracted to masculine traits, and so are they attracted to feminine traits. Why is that a problem?

And you can’t have two masculine energies together. They will collide. If one is into being in charge, then the other should be okay about being submissive. Submissive in itself isn’t a dirty word. It works in some settings. There are always degrees to it (I won’t like being with a 100% masculine guy either) but bottom line is if you want a masculine guy, you need to be his polar opposite or be happy with a more feminine energy guy. It’s a choice.

In actuality demure, “submissive” women are probably much happier in relationship with a masculine man and they are actually cherished by their man because they feel like a woman instead of a hairless guy with boobs (like my parents example above). So instead of being controlled/abused or losing their power as you suspect being docile is all about, these women actually inspire devotion in their men. My boyfriend crazily cherishes me because I allow him to be a man by me being happy being a woman. Now, that’s REAL feminine strength/power without trying to be like a man.  That’s how you seduce a man, simply by the power of your feminine energy.

They can all be masculine on their own (like me) but these guys surely expect them to be all woman when they are home with them. I think it is your prejudice that when a woman is more in touch with her feminine side and caters to a man’s need to be with a woman who feels like a woman as less than…. I don’t see it that way at all. We complement each other. In fact that lies our feminine power and he will love us all the more for that! While we have all the rights to equality in the workplace (imagine, how wonderful that is!), it’s wise to go back to our feminine side when we are with our man so he can be a man we want him to be.

It may not what you or many women want but they want what they want and they’re entitled to have it just as much as you are entitled to what you want. A good team work is exactly what having a balanced mix of yin and yang is all about.

You just can’t expect a guy to swing both ways when it serves you.

So Gina, in a nutshell, if you want masculine guys and you are only attracted to masculine guys then you gotta offer them what they want: feminine energy women who don’t often collide with them through controlling, confrontational, questioning, “assertive” behaviors. If you can’t adjust to their preference in women while you refuse to entertain more feminine energy guys who match you energetically, then like you said, that’s probably why you are still single.

So What is Feminine Energy and How Can You Increase Feminine Energy

To summarize this already long rambling, you can only know if things work by seeing your own life. It works for me wonderfully after operating on masculine energy throughout my younger years.  Are you single and find it hard to attract guys? Then a shift in perspective -and energy- might help. I can help you to be more in touch with your feminine side as I have been doing with hundreds of women.

Here’s the paradox: when you don’t need a man to be a certain way -other than the way he is- for you to be happy and feel okay with yourself and when you stay in your feminine energy, he will actually feel needed in the healthiest way without the neediness that pushes him away; a way that creates deep emotional bonding toward you.  This is the Goddess Way.

I’m going to have a 3-week workshop on feminine mystique and leaning back starting soon and how it actually works and why.  You won’t want to miss this workshop because this one principle is the secret to a man’s heart.   Subscribe to this blog or my mailing list or add me on Facebook to be in the loop for the next cycles if you can’t attend this one.

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And many women have pulled their guys back from the brink through practicing the tools and principles I outline there.  And you will be included in the two lively private groups I own and see how women transform themselves there to become a high-value woman.

MORE:  Your Femininity Can Unlock His Heart, Here’s How

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Image credit Deposit Photo!


  • I really enjoyed reading this, and I don't know How… to handle MY problem, with finding a man…that I am attracted to, due to m Age! I am 53, and find that men MY age…. remind me of my Dad! But, then I feel weird, being asked out by men, 35-40… when I have to think about the Future, when we were Older, and don't want him to want to go find, someone Younger than me! I can handle, men 40-48, So…How do I manage to find a man, that I can have a True relationship with, when on the dating sites, men younger than me, are Usually looking for Younger females, so they Don't even get to SEE…my profile, due to my Age! I don't go Out anywhere, to meet guys, cuz I don't have a Lot of friends, since my last marriage, when I gave them up, to be with Him! But, I guess it just takes patience, but I'm running OUT…especially after reading All these ladies comments, and about their dates…makes me feel even More lonely! But, at least I'm learning a LOT, for hen I DO… find the Lucky guy, and be able to Know, Ho to do things, where I hopefully…Don't push him away! Thanks for all your info!

  • Meador, thanks. Yes I know what you’re saying and it’s hard for both guys and gals so a lot of them discount their age just to get noticed but then they explain in their profile what their real age is. You can try doing that. And you’re right too, it’s about patience. This thing won’t happen overnight and it usually happens when you least expect it.


    • Fuck this sexist bullshit. The problem is that submission and passivity represent oppression. Period!

      • And how is it working for you, Renegadebitch? 😉

        • ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS thank you 🙂

          • I’m glad you’re happy. Everyone will get the energetical match to their own. If you choose to be a man in the relationship, a right guy will complement you. I and many women choose to be a woman, so we need to cultivate our feminine energy cause we are not attracted to beta guys.

        • No katarina I think she just happens to attract mature guys, REAL men who are intelligent. Not little wimpy beta boys. She gets alpha men who respect her as an alpha female and that’s the ONLY way it should be!

          • I have proven you wrong, gal. Look at my track record helping all these women get cherished by the guys they adore. Are you a cherished woman?

          • Dear, I don’t need you. I’m a freakin goddess.

          • That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week! 😀

          • I have the RIGHT men cherish me. Not men who are critical. Ones who are appreciative and who don’t think that women are slaves to their emotions.

          • You have no clue what you’re talking about.

          • I think you guys are missing the point. I don’t even think the words “assertive” and “submissive” are entirely accurate for what Katarina is saying. Katarina is simply telling women to have their own lives independent of the man they are most interested in. Also, don’t make one single man feel is responsible for your happiness and well being. YOU are responsible for that, so don’t nag your man for it, especially in the beginning. That’s what it boils down to for me. What’s the problem? That’s solid advice. Men need a lot of time to process their emotions; women want things to happen really fast. In order to even out the timing, women need to have other interests and male company so they don’t over focus on the guy they want. That’s it. It’s so simple. Why does everyone get so angry? It’s not sexist at all.

  • Pingback: How To Be Feminine When Your Masculine Energy Gets You Everything In Life...Except Men! | Katarina Phang, The Man Whisperer

  • Hi.

    This is a good article I must admit. I however have a problem with the fact that the male energy should still be viewed as superior. Here you are saying that for things to work in relationships the man must feel dominant.

    Maybe our great great great great grandmothers thought that was wise. (Make a man think he’s in control)…and we lost it for real. Look at the world today. It has too much masculine energy which is why it is up in flames.

    Feminine energy should stay. This is not a give and take.

    • Not superior, Emily. That’s your own perception. If you think there is too much masculine energy already what logic is there that women also have to operate from their masculine energy? Don’t you think it’s wise for women to embrace their feminine energy to balance the masculine energy?

  • This I found really interesting, but how do you know the difference between being agreeable with your man and being his doormat? Because if you are TOO submissive, won’t the man be turned off and just take advantage of you? How do you have independence yet still have that attractive feminine energy? I’m still kind of skeptical about this…

    • A doormat is making a man a priority when you’re only an option. Being agreeable is being easy to be with, drama-free, and easy to lead which also means being easy to love and adore. Nobody likes someone who is not easy/a joy to be with. Independence is about not needing a man to complete you, not about trying to one-up him that many women seem to gravitate toward when they say they are strong and independent.

  • Femininely is NOT defined by passivity and submissiveness. That’s like saying that walking and talking is only for men. EVERYONE is naturally inclined to being dominant and aggressive to some extent and that’s a damn FACT!!! This new rise on trying to push women back needs to be stopped and women need to fight this bullshit!! Because I’m gonna fight it all the way! I’ve been winning this fight against sexism for over 40 years and no one is going to stop a raging bitch from hell like me. I will destroy whatever gets in my way! My current boyfriend who is so lucky that I chose him worships me and realizes that you can’t hold a good woman down!

    • You mean your beta boyfriend? Good for you. To each their own. You get your feminine energy guy to match your masculine energy. Exactly what I say in this piece. Peace.:)

      • Don’t be jelly Katrina. My boyfriend is hot and women hit on him all the time. He is FAR from beta and I’m extremely feminine and sexy. Men drool over me constantly.

        • Sure, dear. 😉 No feminine woman will disagree with this notion. Lots of masculine energy women though think they are so feminine cause they wear a dress and heels!! Read this article again, it’s not about how you look…it’s about the energy you radiate.

          • Sorry Katarina but I just don’t agree with what you call to be feminine, feminine and masculine, masculine. I am all woman all the way and I’m not going to allow society to dictate how I’m supposed to behave. I’m a good person and this is the person that men fall in love with.

          • Hey if that works for you, no skin off anyone’s nose? I know many women need this guidance to have a healthy relationship in which they are cherished and I have a very high success rate cause I understand this masculine/feminine dynamics. You can deny it as you like, masculine vs. feminine is a real thang! I’m not a feminist so I don’t have to take your political ideology of no distinction when distinctions are abound.

          • Distinctions are not abound and I am the one of many living proof. I don’t need to bury who I am in the sand of shame like you do. Obviously you thought that your own personal qualities weren’t good enough to find the love you deserve and I feel very sorry for you. No woman should have to change to please a man.

          • Shame? Aren’t you ashamed of your feminine traits so you need to act like a guy? Don’t you see femininity as a weakness that’s why you act the way you do (like a man?). When a woman becomes feminine she just returns to her roots as a woman. She doesn’t “mold herself for a man” per se. She’s smart that by being more like a woman she’ll have a better chance attracting a man and a healthy relationship.

          • I don’t need to mold myself into anything. I just do what comes naturally. If some guy doesn’t like it then that’s his choice and I’m not gonna boo hoo about it because to that one not liking me there are 100 other men that do. I don’t feel I need to act masculine or feminine (whatever that means). I just do me and it’s been working out great. I’ve never had anyone tell me I act like a man lol. But if that’s what you want to believe in order to promote your hustle here, do what you’ve gotta do lol.

          • Then why are you here if you are happy with how things are? 😉

          • I googled assumtions of male and female behavior. This was one thing that came up.

      • Again, it’s the beta man who wouldn’t be able to handle a strong woman like her. A true alpha male knows how to be with a woman like her. He doesn’t feel emasculated, he feels proud to have a strong woman by his side.

        • And I guess you must like feminine men cause a true “feminine woman doesn’t feel turned off by and in fact super proud to be with a man who is just like her energy wise,” right? That’s how you should interpret your assertion above. A man isn’t threatened by “a strong woman.” He’s turned off cause there is no polarity in there. Get your facts straight.

          • Ummmm dear. Men are wildly turned on by me. Alpha men. It’s such a shame that you believe that a man having respect for a woman means he’s feminine. Your insults are quite emotionally driven. You seem to think only your way is right. I’m way better at men than you hunny dear.

          • Sure. I’ll sell you Brooklyn Bridge for $250 too! 😀

    • Renegadebitch, WHY are you so angry?

      • Michelle, are you trying to tell me that nothing has made you angry before? Other than this article I’m a damn happy person. Funny how someone can judge a whole person by a few comments on a blog b

  • Hey Kat, I appreciate the article and … I still have issues with this. We are meant to be whole, not one polarity or another polarity. The Tom Cruise example to me is exactly the problem. Katie may well have been demure and submissive and it “worked” for years only for her to find herself in a morally untenable situation because she had not held her own ground in the relationship … “Agreeable” far too often means going along with stuff that is out of integrity. And to me any relationship where both people are not showing up with balanced masculine/feminine energies within themselves is co-dependent … For me, the value of “keeping a relationship together” cannot trump integrity … sometime I hope we can engage in a deeper conversation about all this 🙂

    • “Balanced” relationship lacks polarity. You might think it’s the solution, in real life a guy needs to be and feel like a guy. And it’s sad when we pathologize a man for being a man. I refuse to treat men like that.

      I am agreeable and my relationship is easy and strong and very well connected. Can’t think any other way I want it to be. 🙂 Again it takes inner work to come to that place of being okay with what is. I’m glad I took that journey.

      • I do agree with what you wrote as assertiveness and reactiveness are often confused … and we all need to be conscious of our “reactions.”

        The rest to me is just the symptom of an old paradigm. I’m a pioneer in a new paradigm. I do not wish to fall into old stereotypes. To me, men looking “abroad” for docile women is a problem not something to be encouraged. We all need to work on being healed and whole and creating holy relationships from that.

      • And it’s sad to patholigize a woman for being a woman. As a woman, I refuse to be treated like that!

        • Oh wow, what a limiting way to see things! How is it working for you?

          • Because I think it’s sad to patholigize women when you think it’s a sin to do it to men but do it to women all you want? How hypocritical of you. You don’t like women who have self respect and dignity do you now? You want a woman to sell her soul just so she can satisfy some selfish man instead of letting men realize that they owe us respect.

          • Sorry, but you are a reactive cretin, pardon my French, the kind that men stay away from. Nowhere have I said or implied what you said above.

      • From my experience this makes alot of sense.

        I am a bit confused as I want to be really feminine but dont want to be so agreeable that Im dull or taken advantage of ( I can see you defend yourself well).

        • You observe and you decide what to do. If a man is taking advantage of you, you will know. Get on the journey of personal transformation with Module 1 Journey Inward here.

  • The blog post never bores me. I enjoy reading it even for the hundredth of times!

    it is sad when lots of women (like renegade bitch) refuse to accept the fact that masculine men are only attracted to feminine women. Feminine women are stronger than they seem. We give men the space to feed their primal instinct to protect and take care of us. When they do this, they actually listen to us and watch their boundaries with us. Well, only women who embrace their feminine power experience this. We can be relaxed and laidback but we get our needs met. I just cant stop feeling blessed for finding katarina. Otherwise, i wouldnt be so happy like i am now in my relationship with the same masculine guy who ran away months ago when i operated from masculine energy. Now i feel like everything is on its place. it is a balanced relationship where there is no power struggle. Why would i want to live my life angry and bitter for 40 years fighting for the so-called feminism like renegade bitch? I would rather be happy with a masculine man by just accepting the fact that i AM a woman and should act like one. Thank you kat. I love you!

    • You got me all wrong because I embrace all my power. Men are always attracted to me and I never had a problem attracting and keeping men. I’m fair from bitter and I lead a very satisfying life. In just not gonna listen to some joke trying to put women in a box. Any man that wants to power struggle with a woman does not respect her and therefore does not love her. Relationships are about both people giving and receiving. It’s never one sided otherwise there is no respect. I want a man to love me for who I am. Not for just agreeing with him.

      • Read Arida’s statement about feminine power. It’s not about being masculine. You power is in your feminine softness. The world needs more of it. So you blame men for power struggle in relationship? What about your role in it as a ball-busting woman? If a woman stays feminine there will never be power struggle. I can’t love a man as he is unless I’m polarized to him (read: sexually attracted). I’m not attracted to feminine energy guys as masculine guys aren’t attracted to masculine women. Simple yet so much denial.

        • Ok yes mam! I’ll just shut up and listen and do that so called feminine thingy thing.

        • Please do not become judgemental of kat’s teaching if you havent been in her program or at least read her e-book or the whole blog. She is a nice person with good intention to help women who struggle in their relationship with masculine men. She has helped a lot of (gorgeous and feminine looking) women who failed in their relationships because they operated in masculine energy. It is okay to disagree but it is not fair to slam her in her own website when the whole concept is not fully laid out here. Why dont you ask her first what she means by feminine energy?

          Common misconception of feminine energy in katarina’s teaching: doormat, has no say in a relationship, agrees in everything, allows a man to walk over her, weak, does not have any boundaries, welcome any ill treatment from a man, etc.

          Actual concept of feminine energy in katarina’s teaching:Laid back, playful, no drama, contented, non critical/judgmental, emotionally mature(calm and no anxiety), light, inviting, open, joyful, does not become the pursuer in the relationship, is not the 1st person to initiate contacts (texting or calling), only speaks of neccesary things to a man, state her boundaries but in a soft and respectful way, priotize the relationship more instead of winning every argument with a man, allows a man to healthily drive the relationship, etc.

          Masculine energy in women as defined by katarina: become the pursuer in the relationship, pushing a man for commitment, giving a man ultimatums, initiate contact (texting or calling) more than the man does, always sends too much text messages to a man, always offers help to a man without him asking for it (over functioning), become demanding in relationships, always points out a man’s mistake, does not trust a man’s ability to lead the relationship, etc.

          Above all, this concept of feminine energy has nothing to do with how a woman dresses or how she looks (most of kat’s clients are insanely gorgeous)..it is the energy that we vibrate..

          Hope you have a clearer picture now 🙂

          • Arida is one of my successful clients. His guy adores her like crazy. And he didn’t act like that at first cause like many women she didn’t know the principles of feminine energy and how it makes guys fall deeply in love with a woman. You can read her story here.

            And trust me I reacted the way masculine energy women do too before my inner journey when I heard stuff like this. I was reactive and defensive (exactly the point that you are acting in your masculine).

          • I’m sorry but I just don’t agree with this masculine feminine behavior thing. I don’t think I should have to act unnatural in order to make a relationship work as I know that would make me very unhappy. A relationship should add to your life, not stress your life which is why I found a man who appreciates me for WHO I am rather than only WHAT I have to offer. He realizes that I am multidimensional and not an object or a trophy.

          • If you are stressed, then there are two things you can do:
            1. work through that and find out the source of the stress. Why are you resisting? This is what inner work is all about.
            2. if you are happy with the way things are, don’t change but if you are not since you can’t change other people, the most logical solution is to change yourself.

            Self-improvement is a great thing. Only those who resist change and self-growth hide under “being authentic” even when “being authentic” hasn’t worked for them. A lot of people need to hit rock bottom before wanting to change. Those women who come to me are ready for my message and they are ready to change for the better. The only constant is change. Why staying in a rut when you can get out and have a better life?

            Being feminine is the most natural state for a woman. Do you expect a guy to act more feminine so you two won’t have a power struggle and it’s not unnatural to him? How absurd.

          • Nope. I do not want a guy to act feminine, whatever that means. I want a man to respect me. Perhaps the women that came to you were overbearing and so dominant that they did not have respect for their men and yes that needs to change. However I don’t think a woman has to define her femininity by becoming the polar opposite of who she was before. I believe women like this just need to stop being selfish, just like certain men need to stop being selfish and learn that it’s not all about them. A relationship is not a ME thing, it’s an US thing.

          • Sorry I jumped to the conclusion that you were trying to set women back. Perhaps we don’t have the same insight on things, but I also think I compared your message to a lot of what I read on these pua and mra sites. Websites that bring a message that make me angry and when I hear alpha male, it rings a negative bell for me. The man that cheats, ignores, rejects commitment, takes advantage and + a list that I really don’t wanna take up on your page. It looks like your intentions are good and not like those sites that say women only respond to jerky behavior, aloof behavior and treatment that says women need to compete for a man’s love. Again I apologize for getting the wrong idea even of we don’t see eye eye on certain details.

          • No worries. Stay around and you will learn more about some views that are legit but are not so popular out there…just yet! And you will be one of the Converted once you understand where we come from.

          • Ok (thumbs up)

    • I dont think inner work and self improvement is a selfish thing, either for the woman or the man. Of course, we want to have someone who loves us for who we actually are. We call ourselves as being ‘authentic’. But if inner work and self improvement provide benefits to the relationship, why not? Who doesnt want a better version of herself? Katarina never mentions in her blog post that women should act unnatural in their relationship. there is also nothing about feminine energy that katarina teaches suggests that a man sees a woman as a trophy. There is no point arguing with katarina if you dont even understand what she is teaching. What u understand is a totally different thing.

      • Thank you, Arida. Here’s from a member in the ladies group, succinctly summarizing what is happening here: “I too find that I am drawn to my feminine energy, but have always shut it down, due to what I saw as a child. I saw my mother act out on masculine energy always and still to this day, she played the “man” of the house. had to be in control of everything…but to us she always said to take care of ourselves, don’t rely on any man, you do everything…I grew up thinking this was an independent woman, a strong woman. but as I grew older it saddens me when I see my mom acting out to my step father, us children, everyone with such bc I see someone who has suppressed her feminine energy so much bc she feels it weakens her to act submissive or let her husband lead. she thinks it weakens her instead of empowers her, for the relationship she is actually seeking. as I grew older I realized I was doing the exact same thing in all my relationships. forcing people to feel for me, def leaning wayyy forward, being controlling, etc etc….and I never got the results that I wanted. until now. this is the first time in my life at 31 years old, I found someone who fell in love with me almost right away, just by me being very feminine, very laid back…I’ve actually never had someone tell me they love me first…without me coaxing it some way or another(sad I know)…so it is crazy to have a so called player start changing his ways for me…for him to realize he has what he says “girl of his dreams”…it makes my heart melt. granted he has work to do and so do I, but I was not prepared to fall in love so easy, nor was he. all unexpected but wonderful. I think with working on ourselves, it may be the best relationship ever. I am learning so much and read this forum everyday and go over the books daily. im so thankful that I am finally “getting it” 🙂 “

  • I really don't believe in this article. Women should be able to be themselves and not be judged and assigned gender personality traits because there is no such thing. A woman had her own opinion before she met her man and she shouldn't have to mold her opinions to fit her man's male ego.

    • Sure be yourself…and the right man who matches your energy will find you. But if by being yourself means being as assertive, aggressive and masculine energy as you like, very few masculine men will fall for you. If you eventually marry them, they are what emasculated men we see on sitcoms all about. It’s a choice.

  • Yet women want to change men.

  • Funny how I attract masculine men and they never had a problem with me being assertive. The guy I'm with right now is very masculine. He's not agreeable but that's not what makes him masculine. It's his energy. It's not an attitude. We work out our differences like mature adults. We're able to discuss and appreciate each other. If you think this makes him a beta or a feminine man then I feel sorry for you that you have to spend your time adjusting to guys that are jerks who are basted in their egos and can't learn to have a meaningful discussion with a woman who has a mind of her own. Seriously, after reading this it's very difficult to have any hope for the human race.

    • Ha, I seriously doubt any woman who claims she has no problem attracting masculine men by being assertive. If she keeps her masculine energy he’s gonna either a) check out from the relationship leaving her frustrated b) disappear. He needs a woman to feel like a woman and if she always need to run the show he won’t feel like a man period.

  • Maybe some women but I'm not looking to change anyone. If a man can't give me the respect I deserve I don't try to change him, I dump him and then find a better man who needs no changing

  • And just curious. Change in what way? Can you be more specific?

  • Aurora Michelina I didn't say you fit that mold but many women do. If a woman thinks she is going to change her man, why not find one already to her liking? I'm agreeing with you. Maybe you're confused because of your alter personality-lol. Oh that was a good one.

  • Lol no not confused, but I am curious on what types of changes you are referring to because I have heard people say this. There could also be many dynamics to why thy may want to change them and I'm also sure that there are men that try to change their women. Sometimes people don't see the true colors of their partner until they have fallen in love and they go through a process of trying to change them. Idk but staying in this stage for too long is not healthy and whoever is trying to do the changing should eventually just move on. So what type if changes do you mean?

  • Ha, I seriously doubt any woman who claims she has no problem attracting masculine men by being assertive. If she keeps her masculine energy he’s gonna either a) check out from the relationship leaving her frustrated b) disappear. He needs a woman to feel like a woman and if she always need to run the show he won’t feel like a man period.

    How long have you been with him and how good is the relationship?

  • A year and a half and going strong. Neither if us are trying to run the show. That is not what a relationship is about. We built ours in mutual respect. Not about who dominates who. Although I can't make predictions because we never know where life will take us, I don't see either of is checking out. We are both very happy with each other and we are able to discuss any issues without any bitterness lingering. We have fun together and enjoy each other's company. We both cherish each other, encourage each other and neither if us try to tear the other down. We are both working towards stability, building a relationship that is based on trust and enjoying the journey in the process.

  • I don't see my previous post. I'm having some fun with you but since you're serious about it, I'll try. It can be anything she doesn't like about him that was there while they were going out. Maybe he likes to watch too much sports, drinks too much beer, smokes, doesn't shave. It doesn't matter. She hopes to change him. He won't really change. Even if it's harmless things she doesn't like, why bother? He's not for her and even if he's a great guy, he's not for her. He shouldn't try to change her either. This is one reason I feel a couple should live together first. Maybe he/she doesn't like the way the other squeezes the toothpaste, is a slob, any number of things one may not see until after marriage.

  • Then maybe you are not assertive as you think you are or he's not as masculine as you think he is. If that works for you it means the energies are balanced. I'm not talking in absolute term that if a woman tones down her assertiveness in relationship, it means she can't assert herself at all. Usually those who are triggered by this assertion and makes a black and white conclusion out of this are struggling themselves internally as to whether their approaches have worked to their satisfaction. I know I have a very happy relationship and so do my most successful clients.

  • I'm plenty assertive lol and he is plenty masculine. I just don't think its right to out men and women in a box. Both should have the freedom to be themselves. I don't think a man or a woman should lord their assertiveness over each other because that is not what love is about. We all have to love ourselves first in order for a potential partner to realize your value. Sometimes we all need to take a step back as well to listen, understand and reason with our partner. It's a two way street where we should value and encourage each other.

  • Oh I know lol. Eh when it comes to smoking. So unhealthy lol!!!! I actually don't date smokers though lol, but what if he just decides to pick up smoking one day because it was an old habit of his that he picked up again. I would be concerned for his health and kissing him would be nasty lol. Say we're already 5 years in I wouldn't say the answer is to just dump him. Also if a guy starts to pick up other bad habits like not grooming well, I'm gonna have a problem with that. But will I choose a guy like this to begin with? No way Jose. Hey we're all gonna get older. It's inevitable but being the best we can be at all times is the best gift you can give to your partner and certainly to yourself as well. But yeah I agree that constantly nagging about these things that were a part of him at the beginning of the relationship is nothing but a waste of time.

  • I can't see anything I post. It appears you're reading them.

  • Try opening up in another browser. Happens to me sometimes.

  • Hey Katarina,

    I’m a guy who happened to chance upon this article and just couldn’t stop reading . The reason: Everything you mentioned is exactly how i feel as a guy and nothing in this article i disagree with.(I’m not displaying my feminine trait just being frank here).

    Well I’m asian and always thought asian girls are much more attractive(despite the general belief that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence) but never able to put in words as to why i feel as such. Only a few years back I’ve been able explain it and your article is exactly how i would put it in words.

    Go Ahead and help the ladies out there to rediscover their Feminine side just like how God created. Feminists need to realise that . Totally agree look pretty with heels and beautiful dress can’t hide Masculiniity and it is an absolute turnoff.

    Since you have such a great insight of what men likes it would be nice if you could have an article on what behavior or actions attract men. Just wanna see what you say and how accurte it will be! Cheers!

  • Hi Katarina

    I am not sure where I stand. I have both a masculine and feminine side and both need to be expressed for me to be happy. I usually use my masculine side for my career, personal goals and sometimes socially. I prefer to be the feminine partner in relationships.
    I want the guy to pursue, cherish me, sweep me off my feet and take initiative with confidence. But I also want to be respected–as in my views, my ability, my choices. I cannot stand guys who are passive, indecisive and expect me to do the pursuing and all the work.

    Ideally I would like a guy to complement both my energies–like the yin yang symbol (where there is a little yang in the yin and vice versa).

    However, in my dating life I find only two types of guys

    -those who want to lead and take charge–so far so good–except that they take it to another level that makes me uncomfortable.
    –they are bossy–so I have to agree with them, and do what THEY want
    –they are condescending–e.g. they might give me advice but say such obvious things that it seems like they are talking to a 3 year old.
    Or they might help me with something out of my reach (I am very petite–5 feet tall) but laugh at my height and make fun of how small I am.
    –they disregard my feelings, my inputs, and basically do whatever they want. they don’t respect my choices e.g. if I say I don’t want to watch an action film, they will buy tickets for that anyway and say nothing else was available.

    I tend to get into arguments with these guys and get pissed and leave. They do not make me happy.

    the passive people pleasing beta male who acts like my puppy. I have to take all the decisions and do all the work. I get along with these guys very easily but I am not attracted to them. usually I end up resenting them because sometimes I feel they suppress their real selves to please me and that seems fake. I feel suspicious of their ‘act’.

    Please tell me where I’m going wrong. Am I too masculine? Are my expectations wrong?
    Does being feminine I never get to have MY WAY? What if a guy plans a date and it is NOT to my liking? Does it mean I haven’t met the right guy? How do I find one?

    • You can’t expect a man to swing both ways but you can go for alpha men with beta traits. If you want to have a lot of saying in the leadership you need a guy who is much less alpha but then again you will gripe about other things as above. Either adapt or perish…:)

      My method will teach you the shift in mindset. Please start with my book.

      • Are you saying that is it ok if an alpha man is bossy, condescending, dominating and that if I don’t adapt to this I don’t have a chance?

        • Condescending, no but maybe it’s your own interpretation. Most alpha guys will appear controlling and bossy one way or another. That’s why alpha female don’t have a chance with alpha guys cause your energies collide. So if you don’t want beta guys, adjust yourself to become more beta. If not, be happy being single. 🙂

          • What about a guy who is Beta with Alpha tendencies? I think that might work for me. Don’t know if they exist and what they look like.

            How is an alpha woman with beta tendencies different from a beta woman with alpha tendencies?

            If a woman is beta, then how does she get what she wants in a relationship? Does this mean she never gets to choose which place to eat, what cuisine to order, which place to go for a vacation? Does it mean she gives up her career or a promotion to follow her man around and support HIS career? Does it mean she can’t decorate her house the way she wants, wear what she wants, hang out with whom she wants, spend money the way she wants, have her personal spiritual beliefs and do what she wants when she wants because she HAS to do what the Alpha male wants and if that happens to be something different–well too bad. If yes, what a sad life that would be. I would rather be single.

          • All you do is teach women to embrace immature behavior from men. Two mature alphas get along just fine. It’s called having a partner and respecting your partner.

          • NOPE. You have no clue about polarity (yin and yang) so either study my stuff and familiarize yourself with what I teach or shut up. Your ignorance is disturbing.

          • It’s like your saying that alpha men have it made because both alpha and beta women want them, but alpha women are screwed because they have to get stuck settling for beta men. Sorry but how SEXIST of you and an alpha woman wants a alpha man. You have no clue what love is all about lady. GROW UP!

          • Correct, alpha women like you will only match with beta men or be single cause alpha men won’t touch you with a one-foot pole. And I stand by my expert assertion. And if you are open-minded and curious enough to digest new stuff here’s the whys:


  • unbelievable. I’m sorry to say this coming from a woman with Asian roots also makes me remember that it’s in an Asian culture (japan) that a psychological survey identified as the most male-dominant, female-oppressive (yes, the two to together, unlike this writer tries to suggest- if one dominates, the other isn’t just “agreeable”, but indeed, turned into an object /other – certainly his opposite- to dominate).

    the problem here lies in false polarity. being masculine doesn’t mean needing to dominate a woman. or needing to have a “yes”-child instead of a woman next to him. and being feminine doesn’t mean being led. how absurd. the opposite also is falsely defined here- battling, competing, criticizing. some stereotypical ideas usually used by sexist thinkers (men and women alike) in fearful response to women’s growing social status and equality.
    parity between the sexes doesn’t mean one gives up sexual chemistry! and her mom subtitling to her dad and they being “happy” is not my idea of happiness when you define it as indulging the male fantasy of control and aggression (infantile narcissism) and coercing the woman into believing that voluntary oppression (emotional or domestic ‘slavery’) is the only way to get “love”. if anyone is christian, or Buddhist, more accurate definitions of love abound such as kindness, not insisting on ones’ selfish needs over the other, etc. just look at the example of Jesus- the greatest serve, love, heal, accept. not dominate. if that is being the king of the universe is that by her definition “unmasculine?”!

    there are plenty of primitive and egocentric, insecure men ready and looking for another human being to dominate so they feel powerful. especially in a historical moment where universal human rights are creating barriers for such cowards (not real men) to openly express their disdain for others’ power. if you want to cultivate a world in which those continue to be the terms with which we raise our daughters and sons and create our visions of reality, I’m sorry. it’s not easy to recreate visions of partnership and passion, but it is happening and it is possible and non-domination is NOT lack of passion no more than peace or a year free of war is lack of excitement.

    nature is malleable in our hands- that’s by we have laws, morals, religion, values, and why we make choices. spiritual guides call it being born of the spirit- not being of the world- and so it takes the overcoming of the violent and oppressive sides and the combative sides of or natures. not just in one half of humanity -in the name of being “feminine”- a man who does not dominate is not losing his masculinity! but being a real man.
    (open your eyes- submissive women and oppressed women are the same throughout history and cultures of violence and women’s domination abound- those are not happy marriages and loving worlds).

    • Wow, a lot of assumptions there that have been tackled in the article. Did you even read it? You’re talking to a former alpha female who doesn’t take shit from anyone here.

      And how is this philosophy working for you, my dear? 😉

    • Wow you sure hit a nerve in katarina. Notice how defensive she gets because she knows deep down that what she’s doing is working against the very core of the freedom of the feminine spirit.

      • I’m telling you how misguided you are. What is the proof of your claims? I have thousands of women behind me whose lives I changed forever. I really don’t need to be defensive. I just say it as it is.

  • There is a guy I know who claims to be masculine but always goes for the masculine women? Is he actually just a feminine man or what? If feminine attracts masculine, then why do some people say that masculine women need masculine guys? Shouldn’t masculine women go for feminine guys and vice versa? Please answer and thank you

  • It’s because of the physical attraction (sex) but eventually the relationship will run its course. Please read this article:


  • This is kind of an old post, but ran across it due to some research on human rights. It seems that we are supposed to be feminine, but throughout history ( and still in some parts of the world ) men have been punishing women for being so. Pregnancy, periods, breastfeeding, and even beauty …. those important parts of being a woman … are forced into hiding. Women are beat, raped, and killed all for having “evil” feminine wiles. Now you are saying we are to be punished for taking care of ourselves?

    Ladies, do not buy into this. You can be a beautiful feminine woman, and not have to let men/some women (like the author here) pull you back down into the third world or before we had the right to vote. Be graceful dancers, look beautiful in jeans or dresses, play sports, get your nails done,and be proud to be a woman. There is NOTHING wrong with you. I have never
    even heard of a man leaving a woman for having her own life and does not stay at home waiting to wash his balls for him. Those men that run to countries where they beat, kill, sell,and treat women like nothing are NOT masculine/strong men.They are weak and need a oppressed woman to pick on to make them feel strong. My man is a man, and I am a feminine woman. I look , smell, dress, talk, and am feminine. We are equal in our authority in our relationship, and my man is just glad he doesn’t have to look after another child. I don’t boss him, and he doesn’t boss me. He is a man….the author’s man is probably a damaged sissy/bully in a man-suit.

    Cheers and don’t let the bully/sissy fake man beat/kill you.

    • Did you even read the article? Your objections have been addressed thoroughly. Read all the comments. I’m not a delicate flower myself as I’m running a very successful business….and making more money than my man…DUH but I’m a woman in relationship and I am CHERISHED by my guy. What a black and white approach to see things.

      Keep reading all the posts cause you are up for a new lesson in life, love and relationship that will change your life, guaranteed.

  • Nope I will not submit to the male agenda. Men love me just the way I am. Most importantly, I love myself just the way I am and I proudly say so!

    • Male agenda? Huh!! That’s what will keep you single. I can feel your jadedness through the computer screen.

  • This masculine/feminine energy concept is a poison to the human race.

    • Oh really? How so? How come I have the most fulfilling relationship ever following this? How is yours if you have any?

  • Actions don’t have a gender. God I love the things I think and write!

    • Say the ball buster.

      • The fact is that you’re not very self respecting which is why you think you’re happy katarina. You know how they say that “ignorance is bliss.” Whether I’m in a relationship or not, I’m always happy because I know that I don’t have to settle for a beta that will treat me right or am alpha who’s a narcissist. I can have a mature, right minded alpha who WILL treat me like the delicate flower that I am an yet respect me deeply for everything I am at the same time. That’s right! Respect all my strengths, weaknesses, successes and flaws. You are a dslisgrace for calling a woman who respects herself and her own opinions a ball buster. I’ve showed this to several men and they said they don’t want a woman like you. They want a woman with personality and the bigger the personality, the better!

        • I say it as is, hence my advice works the fastest out there. My success rate speaks for me. I don’t make up that number, 36 engagements this year so far (3/month). I won’t have that number if men don’t like the women I groom. Hence it’s obvious that women who disagree with me are cause they are used to being ball busters with men. Fact. Great that you’re happy with your life but it’s only your words, I have a throng of women who will testify to back up my claims. So between the two of us it’s clear who has more credibility, not that it matters of course. 😉

      • Alpha men eventually get bored of women like you and wil most definitely cheat since he’s the immature narcissistic type that you pacify.

        • You obviously don’t know me or what I teach. My relationship is the healthiest ever and I teach women to have healthy relationships. They’re happier in their non romantic lives as well. What I teach is very powerful… when you’re ready. You’re not so keep hitting road bumps and you will hit rock bottom before crawling back to me for real help.

      • Okay, well I read your link, and I have a lot of responses to it: in a nutshell, society has convinced you that your own masculinity cannot coexist with your own femininity, and you only are attracted to men with no connection to their own femininity.

        You are so insecure about gender identities to the extent you’ve created an entire ode to the feminine like women these days don’t respect it at all, when the real problem is men don’t respect masculinity in women or femininity in themselves.

        As such, you make women entirely responsible for providing the femininity men have oppressed in themselves, and you try and convince women they’ve got no business being feminine and masculine because you try and convince them men do not desire or respect masculinity in females… You feel so unrespected being masculine (when it comes to being loved AND respected by men.. probably a result of watching your mother being treated this way) that you try and convince women they can only embody femininity and be loved.

        You send messages to women that men have sent to you your entire life: “you are not valued when you act masculine, only I am allowed to act masculine. When you act masculine, I cannot see your femininity, because it reminds me of my own, and I am too afraid to face the oppressed parts of myself.” so you just let men oppress your masculinity, and you allow their masculinity to define your femininity as foundational to their masculinity, which rather than doing nothing, leaves YOU with the responsibility of making sure both people feel secure in the relationship with respect to following a static gender role play the entire time. You’re the one who is blamed when the guy doesn’t feel masculine enough, or when you feel too masculine: it’s never him for failing to connect to his own and your femininity.

        if that wasn’t the case, the men you were with would not feel feminine when you lead, you would not feel masculine just for leading. You’d feel accepted as a feminine LEADER instead of looked at as a man.

        Most people do NOT SWEAT about who is masculine or feminine in their relationship, the fact you have devoted so much thought towards this shows you cater to women who have major gender identity issues. They have problems feeling proud of being either masculine or feminine, because there is this false belief you all carry that feminine people are limited to certain roles and states of being which is false.

        You need to recognize that if you believe you are entirely feminine, you have repressed your own masculine energy which is why you feel a need to suck it out of men. You have not developed your own masculine side, or you saw masculinity as violence towards your feminine side, because expressing it left your entire being unloved: you were told you were a threat, an unlovable threat, and the most delicate parts of yourself (femininity) was told it was invisible, and not worthy of acknowledgement for daring to be dual – women with no masculine side often feel their own masculinity somehow berates their own femininity, which is why they suppress their masculine selves. They internalize the hatred the men they love have for women who dare to be masculine.

        My masculine self honours my feminine self. It does not threaten my feminine self. My masculine self actually sees to it that other masculine beings treat my feminine self with utmost respect (out of necessity, most masculinities do not respect the essence of femininity: this is why it is SO IMPORTANT than my own masculinity respects my own femininity).

        My masculine self is no threat to other masculine men or people either, other than those who have completely suppressed their feminine selves to the extent they feel threatened by me, because I challenge their masculinity by protecting my own femininity from their harmful masculinity that tries to rob my of my whole duality.

        When I am masculine and feminine, people like this (usually men, but really I am feeling this from you too Katarina) feel a need to beat the masculine out of me, to force me to be feminine in order for them to fully accept me. When this happens in men, their masculinity is fragile and their compassionate feminine selves is underdeveloped – my existence reminds them of the strengths they don’t have, which is an insult (and actually these ‘alpha’ guys are beta to me, they are weak in both femininity and masculinity, and that is why nothing would ever last with them).

        Yet, you women seem to be attracted to men like that, whereas men like this do violence to my feminine self through forcing my masculinity to forgo protecting my feminine self, and to forgo it’s own dual existence with my femininity as well. it demands i surrender my masculinity to a masculinity that can ONLY appreciate my femininity and half of who I am.

        When women try to beat the masculinity out of me and tell me it makes me unfeminine, its usually because they feel they’ve got no right to be masculine EVER and be appreciated and loved, and simultaneously seen as feminine and loved for being womanly as well.

        I enjoy the masculinity and femininity of men who honour both of those identities in me. Who do not see my masculinity as a challenge to their masculinity. Who do not see my femininity as inferior or in need of being lead by their masculinity or my own masculinity.

        Men who honour both my femininity and masculinity deserve my respect and my submission. Men who force me to be feminine do not honour my femininity, they seek to own and enslave it and deny the masculine part of myself as even existing —- AKA sexism, this is world history for women and why you women feel like total shit about being feminine to the extent you have gone on a crusade of finding acceptance for it, and you’ve chosen to abandon your masculine selves in favour of syphoning it from men who refuse you the right to be dual beings.

        • Come back when you’re ready. Not till you see your own projections.

          • It’s you who has the projections here. You are clearly trying to force women to believe the crap you’ve internalized and accepted your whole life, and you actually need help restoring balance to yourself.

            Listen to how unhappy you’re making women with your sexist bullshit. You cater to men, but do not take the opinions or feelings of women seriously at all, because you don’t even take yourself seriously: the centre of your universe is finding some guy who will accept you. It’s time to wake up and realize you are a misogynist and that’s why guys with fake, weak, wannabe alpha personas are into you. You’re easy to fool and naturally self deprecating.

            So I’d like to tell you about my man: he’s ex military, ex free mason, and has a black belt in philipino/special OP martial arts. He is a carpenter and can build an entire house from the ground up. We enjoy biking, hiking, and playing PS4 together. We also enjoy reading together and writing and reciting poetry to one another. He packs me a lunch basically everyday. It should be evident there that he exhibits both masculine and feminine behaviour, like MOST PEOPLE DO.

            The love between us is strong, very strong. There are no insecurities there, I feel no need to direct him whatsoever, because he’s attuned to what I need because, wait for it: he admires me, all of me. He admires my strength and vision: I’m in university and we both have dreams to change the world in our own ways (rebuilding and restoring indigenous communities). I have a very strong personality, I’m opinionated, and I stand for what I know to be right and true at most given opportunities. We never fight though.

            He also is really into my soft side as well: my compassionate heart, my sensual body (we both have multiple orgasms in sex), so far from there being “no polarity” or chemistry, that is not just true.

            It should be evident that I’m fairly balanced as well.

            We are 2 masculine/feminine balanced individuals. That’s why we are both so happy: we take turns leading.

            The issue I have with your teachings is that it’s actually just about denying the full breadth of human identities and relationship styles. It is a flat out lie that the only relationships that work are those that are static where one person follows the other overall for eternity.

            It’s also a lie that people overall are either masculine constantly or feminine constantly. It is true that overall, people are masculine or feminine, but this does not hold true in every instance of life.

            So really, how can you label me or my man? When he’s clearly skilled in the masculine world, he’s a natural leader, he dominates me in bed and yet has feminine tendencies – he is in tune with his own emotions, my emotions, and even the emotions of other men!!! He is a masculine being with feminine tendencies (if women want to know what an alpha is with beta tendencies, I’ve had the good grace of being feminine with masculine tendencies,and that is how you improve your chances of finding this guy – MAYBE ? I’m not going to try and sell you some limiting lie as proof)…

            And I’m feminine in my general being: very concerned with women’s issues, very expressive of the female sensuality in sexuality, I’m a leader, but I’m a leader that makes room for femininity AT the table, in the bedroom, at the construction work site: I remind everyone I’m feminine and that we need feminine leadership and RESPECT for the feminine by putting it first. And men love it! Esp alpha guys that ARE NOT THREATENED by feminine leadership … They’re receptive to it, because it connects them to their own femininity as well.

            Any guy that is threatened by a women leading has no respect for femininity and needs to see it beneath his masculinity. He’s cut off from his own femininity, and he’s usually controlling or needs to pretend that the feminis follows always. The natural place for femininity is ON TOP, much of the time, so that men feel whole again: this world has tried to rob them of their femininity.

            There is nothing sexier than a masculine man who is not threatened by bold femininity, who yearns and craves to experience his true MATCH.


            Katarina you are just jealous of women who express masculine tendencies and yet admired and loved as still feminine and esp leaders, because you believe a deep lie that you are not worth being seen as a leader. Stop beating us down with your misogyny. Care about the women you’re claiming to help by not needing to label our own identities for us: what you can do is describe harmful behaviours, but it is sexist and false to declare that all women who object to you are men/masculine people overall. That does not describe our experiences that we are the other of, not you.

          • That we are the author of, not you**

          • But I’ve been militant, stubborn and clueless like you now so obviously I am your future cause you are my past. You’ll evolve to become like me. I won’t regress to become like you, my dear. We are on different stages of development, enjoy your journey.

        • Your novels you have written here and your need to defend say it all.

          • Indeed robin, it shows I stay true towards and confident in my feminine integrity.

          • Katarina, you make a mistake in assuming all women share the same destiny in finding happiness in relationships, a huge mistake. And the mistake is not in assuming some women will fail or succeed to find it, but in assuming that men all want the same kind of woman. And assuming that different types of women cannot develop a similar bond with men that very different women such as yourself have with them.

            I’ve clearly related to you, as a different and equally valid type of woman, that I have a deeply fulfilling emotional and sexual relationship with a masculine guy. And fir whatever reason, you cannot accept my success or happiness because it doesn’t mirror your history or situation.

            You’ve made different choices than I have. I’m not here to judge you for your choices, or declare you a success or failure… I’m trying to get you to see that labelling women and their romantic futures in accordance to static fever role playing does not help us. It also does not describe our actual lives with any shred of accuracy much of the time, these comments are clearly evidence of that, and surely my lived and loved experience should mean something to you, but it doesn’t.

            You cannot respect my knowing of myself because you have never known the same parts of yourself as I do with pride.

            I hope one day you find balance within YOURSELF so you don’t have to siphon masculinity from men or bully women into being more feminine than they really are in order to be loved.

            I’m living proof of a different path: a feminine leader who not ashamed of her masculine moments, nor unloved because of them. A feminine leader that can put her femininity first as well and yet find it respected and desired. Yet it’s you who looks the other way.

  • Beautiful article, I enjoyed reading it very much. It’s also something I’ve been saying for years to black women like me. Too many of them are too masculate, there’s not enough feminine energy in our communities. I would love to see more black women embrace their femininity and not be “ashamed” or “seen as less of” by their natural state. 🙂 keep up the good work!!

  • Hi I was just wondering where is the line drawn between submissive, demure and unassertive feminine energy and the acceptance of controlling behaviours? I ask this as I was in a relationship with a man who very much wanted the feminine submissive energy but one of the first signs of his assertiveness was (after only a few months into the relationship) was trying to force me to question my dying mothers will, how I should train my dogs, what pets I should and shouldnt have, what I should be working on in my spare time and what was a waste of time even though I was by then grieving my mothers death. It eventually spiraled out of control with him expressing anger anytime I went against his suggestions and me needing to defend myself over seemingly insignificant things for eg one of the last arguments we had was him telling me the “correct method” of washing sand off my feet after going to the beach. He had gone from a loving, caring, supportive partner to telling me we were over as I wanted a submissive man, that he was “smart almost genius and his way worked and its his way or the highway, he couldnt fight me anymore and there were plenty of submissive men out there for me”. Please give me your opinion did I lose my feminine energy when I questioned his requests, was it just him making excuses to get out of the relationship or were his mannerisms just someone who wanted control? How do we know the difference. Where do we draw the line?

  • This is not an issue of your feminine energy, this is an issue of a man who has control issues. Serious control issues. Honey run as fast as you can in the other direction. This is how abusers start out.

  • Thanks Robin. Its good to get another opinion when I am feeling like I am a large cause of the break up and so confused. I still love him and sometimes feel we didn’t get a proper chance and wonders if I lost the perfect man when reading articles like this one but then another part of me questions all of the little things and wonders if I have been got away its so hard to know

    • I promise you it’s not the former. This in no perfect man.

      • I wish I could know that for sure……but its been almost two months since he broke up with me and I am still empty and sad and miss him. He stuck by me through my mothers death…and none of my previous partners would ever have done that. It was all about me for the first year and a half, grieving and now I feel like I ruined the best thing in my life with my selfishness and as he said concentrating on my mum when she was gone and not loving him when he was alive and there waiting. I just cant believe how horribly it has turned out…I am really sad and depressed. Almost lost my job as my confidence is constantly reminded of the many things he pointed out that I could improve on. He did go through a lot for me but in the end he emotionally cheated on me with his ex girlfriend but I feel like I drove him to that, maybe he was angry and wanting to get out because of the way I had treated him all along. Maybe I didnt listen and make him feel like a man. Maybe if I had allowed him to be the man…which he actually said to me when breaking up…then we wouldnt have got here. We had a long distance relationship for the whole time, and because I was grieving I wouldnt drive there….who leaves their partner alone for so much time and doesnt expect them to seek love and physical connection elsewhere. I dont know….sorry I am rambling but I am so sad and confused. My friends all thought he was controlling from the moment they met him but they also didnt see all of the good things and how he stuck by me in my darkest hour but then why do all that only to leave me now? .sorry I am rambling but I am so sad and confused.I dont know how to get through this…I really just want to be in his arms, maybe I should have tried things his way because my way certainly hurts….sorry I am rambling but I am so sad and confused.

  • The man I’m interested in recently mentioned that I am so understanding, so accommodating. Is that code for thinking that I am a low-value doormat, or an acknowledgement that I try to appreciate him for what he his?

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